Dating in 2016 may look different than the dates of yesteryear, but one thing remains unchanged: intuition is there when you need it most (and always will).

I’m single, middle-aged and dating. I’m also a healer and coach who helps women get ready for the relationship of their dreams by getting in touch with and expressing their deepest desires so they can get their needs and wants met by their partner.

I was on a dating site and I met this guy. I’d like to share what happened in terms of the events, but mostly about what occurred inside of me along the way. Where I disconnected from myself, from my needs and desires, and then, from the guy right in front me.

It started out like most dating experiences. We met via the app on my phone. We texted for a few days, then had a conversation or two; finally, we met for coffee, shared a couple of meals, saw a movie, and then some sex happened. Pretty standard dating stuff, if you look at the events from the outside.

In my line of work, there is a great deal of focus on being self-referenced instead of being other-referenced. Also, learning to distinguish when that shifts back and forth, and also on developing the courage to speak your truth, and ask for your needs to be met (in request form, not as a demand).

Back to my dating story:

It all looked good on the outside, and he looked great on paper—successful career, divorced, grown son, nice place to live, and healthy hobbies. He also did all the right stuff—initiated, invited, made plans, opened doors, held up my coat, paid for everything (including my valet parking) and even showed interest by reading some of my blog articles.

I liked it, and I liked him.

But something felt off from the very beginning and my intuition kept nagging me louder and louder as time progressed; and yet, I couldn’t put my finger on what was off. I decided to keep moving forward until I got a solid read on him or my intuition that I could interpret clearly. And as often is the case, it’s all so clear looking in hindsight, but it wasn’t in the moment.

On our third date, a Friday night, I went to his house. He lives in an area with a lot of restaurants and I wasn’t sure if we were going out or eating in, either was fine with me. I had dressed for going out just in case, but was also delighted with the idea of him cooking a nice meal for us. I got to his place and it was in more disarray than mine would have been if I were trying to make a good impression on a first-time visitor and date.

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