Your desired relationship is closer than you think. How do we get there? Do a little soul-searching, obstacle clearing, and vision setting.
When we think about developing our vision for a relationship, many of us get nervous about the idea of deep engagement—and the vulnerability that comes with it—because you cannot lean into a vision that is important to you and strive to manifest it without also feeling the potential for failure and disappointment. In order to succeed, it’s important to cultivate the courage to allow yourself to go for it, in spite of the risks.
Protecting yourself against failure and heartbreak may be a safe approach, but it limits your availability. It is also impossible to get the deeply enriching and fulfilling relationship you want if you have no idea what that really looks like to fill your needs, because they go together. We cannot selectively choose the feelings we want to experience and the ones we don’t. We need to embrace the entire spectrum—both the highs and the lows.
When we attempt to limit the lows because of past hurts and disappointments, we automatically put a damper on the highs at the same time. But when we allow ourselves to embrace the entire experience—high, low, and in between—we can then begin to cultivate the courage required for a soul-fulfilling relationship with a deeply shared purpose.
In order to get clear so we can create this relationship vision and step into it, we first need to clear some obstacles out of the way. Obstacles to our relationship vision are varied, and they can come from our mindset, feelings, and beliefs. They are often based on past experiences, but they can also be about not wanting to take full responsibility. Some of the objections I hear from my clients are, “if I had a clear vision, it would require me to change and I’m not sure I really want to change.” Or “I know what my personal vision is, but I don’t believe that I can have that or that the guy required exists.”
It is useful to become aware of your objections, and examine their validity. Sometimes what we believe and feel about something turns out to be old. When we stop to really examine it, we realize it’s outdated, and we need to reevaluate what we feel and believe based on our current outlook.